I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
