she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
