If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
