I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
