listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
