honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
