Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
