I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
