It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
