Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
