I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize