Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
