That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
