The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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