Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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