First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
