Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
