My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
