Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
