is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My dick has a subreddit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
