How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
