Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
