I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
