your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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