She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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