I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
