is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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