White coat. Heels.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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