Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize