Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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