you guys were way drunker than both of me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
