If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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