i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
