wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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