I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
