You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I did not marry a roomba.
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