Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
