Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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