Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
no, he came in my armpit
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
