Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
