What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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