If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
