k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Text me some of your sweat
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