nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
