i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
