I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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