This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
