Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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