Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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