Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
