they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
