My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize