im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Someone shattered a urinal.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
