I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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