I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
People in love make me want to vomit
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
