you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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