How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
