The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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