somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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