margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
