You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
