my mouth tastes like poor choices
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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