You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
