if i can run in heels then i can drive
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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