dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
