I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
