i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
