Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
