Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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